4. Counseling in case of miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy
“Social taboo,” “stolen happiness”, and “silent departure” are just some of the attempts to describe the loss of child caused by miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
“Miscarriage” is a term describing unplanned loss of unborn child up to 28th week of pregnancy.There is early miscarriage (prior to 16th week of pregnancy) and late miscarriage (from 17th to 28th week of pregnancy). Majority of miscarriages occur in first trimester, i.e. up to 12th week. If causes of miscarriage are discovered, future pregnancies are most likely to be preserved.
Individuals faced with a miscarriage often go through phases of blaming themselves, blaming medical staff, rage, panic, silence, up to indifference. Feelings of confusion and fear interchange as well as uneasiness, closing away from the loved ones, nausea, and apathy. Women and their partners face various problems such as negative self-image (“I shouldn’t have worked so much; “I shouldn’t have taken that trip”, “I should not have treated my wife like that,” “I haven’t paid enough attention to her”). Maternal/paternal identity is often questioned. The social environment, as well as reaction of the loved ones can sometimes have negative impact. Comments such as: “it is better it ended that way, the baby was probably ill”, “you are young, healthy, you will have at least two more kids”, ‘don’t worry, it wasn’t really a formed baby” can hardly comfort us.
Some advice on what to do when miscarriage happens:
Allow yourself natural grieving process for the lost child. However, pain and sorrow should not become dominant, since such a lifestyle can bring about many serious effects on personal relationships, as well as health problems. So, put an effort to get rid of thoughts about your own guilt: you are NOT GUILTY for the miscarriage. Great number of women and couples has been through that experience. It can happen to anyone.Do not torture yourself by asking the question: “Why did this happen to me?” over and over again. It is extremely important to go through the grieving period. Grieving is normal and human, necessary and useful reaction to tragedy.Accept emotional reactions of your spouse, whatever they may be. If necessary, seek counseling help.